I Don't Know, But I'm Okay

Have you ever wanted to cry but no tears com out, so you just stare blankly into space while your heart break into pieces?

I don’t know how to let go of the one person I have always connected with on a level deeper than I know how to explain to people who will never understand it.

I don’t know how to stop letting him into every nook and cranny of my life.

I don’t know how to stop missing our daily marathon conversations.

I don’t know how to stop wanting the feeling of his arms around me when the weight of the world feels a little too heavy.

I don’t know how to stop wondering what it would be like for every inch of my body to touch every 

inch of his.

I don’t know how to get his memory out of my heart and his music out of my head.

I don’t know how to contain the joy and excitement I feel every time he contacts me.

I don’t know how to stop wondering what he’s up to in quiet moments of solitude.

I don’t know how to free myself from the ghost of what never became.

I don’t know how to adjust to the idea of eventually seeing him with someone else.

I don’t know how to fill the space inside my chest that he once occupied perfectly.

It such a dilemma, I want to distance myself from you, but yet, I don't want to lose you.

I still can't erase our chat history.
Ya, history.
I stop reread it and stop checking it lately.
But it still there. All of it.
I don't think I can erase it.
I'll just wait until my phone broke and erase it automatically.

How far you can go without destroying from within what you are trying to defend from without?

And every time you ask, I'll pretend that I'm okay.

And now, we haven't spoke in days, and again, I'm trying to be okay with that.
I pretend everything was going to be okay, but inside I was going crazy.

I'm fine. I'm great. I'm horrible. I'm devastated. But okay.

I was blinded by what might be instead of seeing what already is.

But I think for know it's okay.

It's okay to feel hurt. Ya, it's hurt, but it's okay.

It's okay to feel like you won't ever believe in love anymore.

It's okay to feel like running

It's okay to just avoid him every day, every time.

Because you have a right for that

It's okay. Sometimes all you can do is smile, move on with your day, hold back the tears and pretend you're okay.

I'm okay.

I'm okay.

I'm okay.

I'm okay.

Because just like falling in love for someone, falling away from someone takes time too.
I just hope this time, will be faster than the last time.