My Reflection

I agree that to see something objectively is so damn hard.

we only see what we want to see

we only hear what we want to hear

because we only believe what we want to believe

that’s why we need someone else get close enough to tell us it is what it is.

someone we trust

to be our reflection

to help us to see what is really happening

to find the calm in the chaos

to help us heal

but first, make sure that you are in the healthy  environment

because you cannot heal in the same environment that make you sick

that kind of person that i want as my reflection

I’ve always wanted someone who match my effort

because it's not about how good you are, it's about how good you want to be.

for better or worse, in many ways, you were my reflection

Why I Didn’t Block My Evil Ex

Some friends ask me why I don’t block my ex in my social media.

Because most of them did it after a break up.

The answer is simple, because it’s not necessary.

Why should I?

Not because I still have a feeling for him or I can’t move on.

But because I already did, move on.

Because blocking him is childish.

I will simply let him be.

Knowing my life and how free and happy I am.

Let him take a pick every time in awhile.

To checking up what’s happening without him.

So he can look what he just missed.

What he did wrong.

I will simply  let him be.

Because I’m sure I’m not the one who lost you.

To be exact I’m not the one who lost.

People said the best revenge is to be happy.

They lied.

It did not.

It’s too cliche .

Believe me it is not.

It doesn’t satisfy you from the thirst of hurting the person who’s hurt you.

Being happy isn’t your best revenge to anyone that did you wrong.

But it does the best gift that you can give to yourself.

You owe that to yourself.

To be happy.

To be at peace.

It wont be easy, for sure.

Because sometimes you have this anger that restrained on your chest.

That somehow waiting to be released.

It might just a little.

But it affects just the same.

You might struggle for awhile.

But you’ll get through it for sure.

So just hanging on and be happy.

Because you owe that to yourself.

So why should I block him when I’m not the one who lost him?

Colorful

Kamu adalah hitam putih ku

Aku adalah abu-abu mu

Lucunya,

Saat kita bersatu

Begitu banyak warna bertemu

Beautiful but destructive 

Change

We are products of our past, 

but we don't have to be prisoners of it.

And that is how change happens. 

One gesture. 

One person. 

One moment at a time.

 

Please, get the message

To 2018

Finally have time to write about New Years.

My friends in Jakarta, Bali, Australia, Singapore, Hong Kong, and even Frankfurt were sending me fireworks video at their places. And it’s so beautiful since i love fireworks. So i was so happy to see that, i feel like  I was there with them watching the same fireworks.

So i also send them the one that i got here. We have time differences so we can’t get the New Years countdown at the same time, but we all enjoy it like we were at the same time zone.

So, before we start with the New Years stuff, i would like to say hi to you, the person that so loyal to keep checking on my blog and i would like to say happy New Years for you :)

In case you’re wondering, yes it’s you. You know who you are :)

Btw, just let me know if you also want my IG profile to go public. I might do it for you if you ask it nicely :)

I wont told a story about new year new me, it’s just too cliche.

Because most of the time, it’s bullshit.

New year resolutions, new years targets, and blablablabla

None of you really doing that anyway.

But this is what i want to say to 2018 if it is a person.

You weren’t te easiest or the happiest and I’m ready to say goodbye to everything you’ve brought.

I’m ready to let go of the parts of you that disappointed me, the people who let me down, the moment that I couldn’t hold myself together, and the time that I almost gave up on myself.

You taught me a few important lessons in a hard way. You taught me that nothing is ever really predictable, especially people. You taught me that people can lie to your heart and break it just to mend theirs.

But most of all, you taught me how to stand alone, to stand stronger.

Which will always be the hardest lesson for me.

But you proved me that the only person i can control is me and the person i can really count on is also me.

You taught me not to get too attached to people or trust too much or love too much. You taught me that i have to always guard myself even from the closest people to my heart.

But...

You still brought me a lot of blessings. A lot of laughter. A lot of unforgettable moments and people. A lot of memories

that will make me smile for years to come. Ironically, as much as you made me feel dead inside you brought me moments that made me feel alive like never before.

You had your way of making up for the bad times or the hards times and I appreciate you for making a few things better.

I’m already healing from your wounds. I’m already looking ahead. I’m done living in your sob story. I’m done being your victim. I’m done letting you take so much space and energy.

You weren’t the year for me and it’s time you moved on. It’s time to let you go.

Thank you,

For the lessons, moments, and the memories you brought.

And, goodbye.

Hello 2019
I'm ready to meet you