People keep saying that we should hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
But, I don't think it works that way.
How dare you to hope for the best but didn't do your best.
I don't hope for the best.
I do the best.
Never hope for the best but for sure always prepare for the worst.
We make our own best.
We make the best from what we've got.
Not hope for the best from whatever it is.
I learn that hope gets you nowhere.
I learn that hope gets you nothing.
I learn that act gives you something.
I learn that act gets you somewhere.
Act makes you move.
Hope only makes you wonder.
Hope only makes you keep dreaming.
As an anxious and realistic person, I always have plan.
For everything. Literally, everything.
I'm planning everything.
My plan always has a backup plan, even my backup plan has a backup plan. I bite my nails every time I plan for something.
That's how anxious I am.
I am aware that something can go not the way we plan it, that's why we need a backup plan.
That's how realistic I am.
That's how I prepare for the worst.
I plan my life 10 years ago.
I get where I am now because I plan it well and do well.
No, do best.
Everything is going as I plan it so far.
I missed some points of the plan, I change some points of the plan, because I need to adapt with the situation, but my life still on the track just the way I want it.
I have a good job, in a good company. One of the best and the biggest in London.
When most of my friend is dreaming to work for the government (for some people it's cool, but for me it's lame (sorry no offense) for me, I always thought it's kinda too easy).
I always dream to work in multinational company since I was in junior high school.
Then here I am. Just the way I plan it.
I have a good job.
I have a good team.
I have good friends.
I have good family.
Plan and acts get somewhere.
It gets me to be where I am now.
But hope gets me nothing.
People can said that hope is what makes you alive, it keeps you alive.
No, for me, hope keeps you wonder.
You can keep hope for the best or do the best, make the best from what you have.
I never hope for the best because when your plan goes wrong you won't be too disappointed.
And you will handle it well, because you already prepare for the worst.
Saturday, August 17, 2019
Wednesday, May 29, 2019
To You, The Person I Love
It took me a long time to find you
Even longer to finally realized that I want you, that I want to be with you, that I love you.
It's not easy for me to say those words.
But when I said it, I really mean it.
Thank you for making me believe.
That it does exist.
You're not always doing everything right.
Neither do I.
But thank you for always giving your best.
Thank you for never stop trying.
Thank you for your countless efforts since day one.
Thank you for every second you spent with me.
Thank you for being there when nobody was.
Thank you for staying up late with me, listening to my problems and pain, and taking them as your own.
Thank you for never hesitate to support me.
Even on the days where I am on the verge of giving up, ready to throw everything in the towel, your boundless humor somehow passes me a life-raft.
It is as if every chuckle, every chortle from our conversation can replace every tear, every crack of my battered heart.
Thank you for believing in me, even when I don't believe in myself.
Thank you for telling me that I can do it, even while I'm convincing myself that I can't.
Thank you for expecting great things of me, because truthfully, sometimes you expect more greatness out of me than I do.
Thank you for encouraging me to make the change I need in my life.
You are always there to listen, of course, but you know how to get me to think about the future.
You get me to think about how I can actually solve problems, and not just bitch about them.
Thank you for the little things.
Thank you for reminding me of my value in the tiny, everyday moments.
Thank you for bringing hope to my hopelessness, bringing life to my lifelessness, and joy to my joylessness.
Thank you for keeping me going, but at the same time make sure that I have enough rest so I can enjoy the ride.
The most important is, thank you for staying and stick with me when it's hard, in the hard time, even when I push you away really hard.
Thank you for being my friend, my partner, my lover, and my everything.
I love you in everyway.
Even longer to finally realized that I want you, that I want to be with you, that I love you.
It's not easy for me to say those words.
But when I said it, I really mean it.
Thank you for making me believe.
That it does exist.
You're not always doing everything right.
Neither do I.
But thank you for always giving your best.
Thank you for never stop trying.
Thank you for your countless efforts since day one.
Thank you for every second you spent with me.
Thank you for being there when nobody was.
Thank you for staying up late with me, listening to my problems and pain, and taking them as your own.
Thank you for never hesitate to support me.
Even on the days where I am on the verge of giving up, ready to throw everything in the towel, your boundless humor somehow passes me a life-raft.
It is as if every chuckle, every chortle from our conversation can replace every tear, every crack of my battered heart.
Thank you for believing in me, even when I don't believe in myself.
Thank you for telling me that I can do it, even while I'm convincing myself that I can't.
Thank you for expecting great things of me, because truthfully, sometimes you expect more greatness out of me than I do.
Thank you for encouraging me to make the change I need in my life.
You are always there to listen, of course, but you know how to get me to think about the future.
You get me to think about how I can actually solve problems, and not just bitch about them.
Thank you for the little things.
Thank you for reminding me of my value in the tiny, everyday moments.
Thank you for bringing hope to my hopelessness, bringing life to my lifelessness, and joy to my joylessness.
Thank you for keeping me going, but at the same time make sure that I have enough rest so I can enjoy the ride.
The most important is, thank you for staying and stick with me when it's hard, in the hard time, even when I push you away really hard.
Thank you for being my friend, my partner, my lover, and my everything.
I love you in everyway.
Friday, May 17, 2019
Monday, May 13, 2019
Superhero
I met a superhero
I lost her
I want her back
She did things to me that no one else could
And I miss that
I lost her
I want her back
She did things to me that no one else could
And I miss that
Don't wanna talk about it
I was so wrong about it
Can't do a thing about it now
I was so wrong about it
Can't do a thing about it now
'Cause they say if you love her let her go
And they say if it’s meant to be you’ll know
And they say if it’s meant to be you’ll know
I met a superhero
I lost her
I want her back
She did things to me that no one else could
And I miss that
I lost her
I want her back
She did things to me that no one else could
And I miss that
Damn, I miss that
Sunday, May 12, 2019
Bukan Olehmu
Tidak semua yang menghilang ingin ditemukan.
Kau bilang kau kenal aku.
Seharusnya kau tau, saat aku menghilang mengambil jarak terjauh tandanya aku tak ingin bertemu.
Seharusnya kau tau, saat aku tidak menjawab panggilanmu tandanya aku tak ingin berbincang.
Bukankah aku sudah pernah bilang padamu.
Jangan cari aku.
Aku mungkin ingin ditemukan,
Tapi bukan olehmu.
Kau bilang kau kenal aku.
Seharusnya kau tau, saat aku menghilang mengambil jarak terjauh tandanya aku tak ingin bertemu.
Seharusnya kau tau, saat aku tidak menjawab panggilanmu tandanya aku tak ingin berbincang.
Bukankah aku sudah pernah bilang padamu.
Jangan cari aku.
Aku mungkin ingin ditemukan,
Tapi bukan olehmu.
Saturday, March 23, 2019
What Manila Makes Me Realize
When the first time I came to Manila a few months ago, I was running.
From what ever it is that happen in Jakarta. I left it all behind.
Sadly, Manila makes me realize that it's not okay to run. Not okay at all. My psychosomatic is collapse. Sleep is not an option sometimes. I lost my appetite, definitely my weight also.
So it's not okay at all.
So when I was sitting by the park and see the music light, eat my dinner alone, and overthinking about something I shouldn't, I met someone that's so nice. A really nice stranger that became not so strange lately.
Long story short, we share some story. Amazingly, he taught me a lot of things in 2 hours.
Even maybe more things that I can ever learn about compassion, intimacy, forgiveness, and of course love, more than I ever learn in my life.
And somehow, he just help me heal without we even realized it.
From his story I learn that
You can't choose who you fall in love with, where or when, but you absolutely can choose to stay with that love or not. But when you choose to stay, you also have to consider your own happiness, your own well being. Because nothing good when you sacrifice it, not even in the name of love.
You will heal, with the new love. You don't have to search for it, sometimes it's just in front of your eyes, you just can't see it because of the clouds you made.
here's some convo that we had
"that's how I found my love. but that's also how I lost it" he said.
"how? you don't take care your love? or shit just happen?"
"there is no such a thing as 'shit just happen' hahaha. bad luck happen, but we can avoid it if we carefull enough. I'm not sorry at all with what happen, I feel thankful instead. So I have a chance to see the world differently"
"did you still love her?"
"if you ask do i happy now, i do. do i happier than i was before, i did not, but i definitely feel better"
"how could you feel better but not happier?"
"you don't have to feel happier to feel better. you feel better because you feel like you don't need to carries some unnecessary baggage"
"i see....."
"so, did you feel happier when you are running here? did you feel better?"
"no i'm not. not both. but i will eventually, when i found the way"
"you won't just found it. you will just get used to it, and getting better by the time. that's what happen to me. until then i found something else that makes me happier, then it leads me to someone else, to the new love that i was talking about"
"that's interesting, how? how did you just found the new love? "
"when i wasn't looking. when i decide that my old love is no good for me, i loved her so much that it hurt me to stay with her for a long time, it took me a long time to have courage to finally end it. in a good term of course we both agree to end it. then after that, i go to a coffee shop to have a breakfast, and she was turns out just sitting in front of me at a coffee shop eat her breakfast, just like you are right now. sitting next to me in the park eat your dinner, then we share story, then we might never see each other anymore. isn't thats why we share stories right now? because we won't see each other anymore"
"so this is a usual thing for you? sharing a story with a stranger? that somehow came up to be your next new love? then i have to passed now hahahaha "
"hahahaha it no it wasn't, sharing a story with a stranger sometimes clear my head a bit. but i have no intend to find a new love"
"ah, i thought you do"
"just stop looking, stop searching, stop denied it, stop what ever you do to run from it. because you can't run from love. i've tried, believe me, and the harder i try, the deeper i got trap hahahaha"
"you go home, to your love. i'll be here a bit longer than go home. she must be waiting"
"no, she passed away a month ago. that's why i'm here, because we used to go here and observe a stranger. we loved to come here after work, we knew each other for 3 months then we are dating for a year then she got into car accident last month. she teach me a lot of things, even teach me how to survive without her. the day she got into accident i was gonna proposed"
"I'm sorry to hear that"
I WAS SHOCK........ I didn't see that coming...... this is like tersanjung sinetron in Indonesia. I was though he just have a fight with her or something.
"did you believe with the statement that 'you don't marry someone you can live with, you marry someone you can't live without'?" he was asking a cliche question...
"no i didn't. everyone is capable to live on their own. no need to depend on anyone. so i don't believe with i should be with someone that i cannot live without. because if i were fine before him, then i will be fine after him. but... i do believe that you should be with someone that you can live without but you didn't want to. because that will makes you nurture your love. thats why i will get married when i want to not because society told me to"
"how old are you? 40? hahahaha"
"hahaha the thing is this is what happen in Indonesia, people or society told you, more like demand you to get married when you are 25, and i already passed that age. so people ask so often, it can put you on pressure sometimes, every time they ask me when i will getting married i always said when i want to, i have my reason why. Because i see a lot of people get split up because they get married when the society told them to. and i don't want it happen. They get married because 'its the time to get married' because 'im on married age'. so i will do it when i want to. for now i will just do what i want to but when i get married i will also do what my husband wants to, marriage is a lot of compromises"
"you are definitely 40 for sure hahaha. here in Manila some people do that, but we are more modern so a lot of people have a same thought with you"
"hahaha not even 30. but i think it's a good thing you judge me from the way i think, i will take it as a compliment hahaha"
"you know what, it's nice to talk with a stranger like you, it will be creepy to ask where you stay and your number, so i will not gonna do that... but I'm here often, after office hour, maybe someday if you need someone to talk we can bump into each other like this again"
"yeah sure, maybe"
that's the end of our convo. He was back to wherever he lives and I stay about 10 minutes before go to my apartment.
he was nice, and funny, and not creepy.
So, summs up our convo about love and lost;
Love did not come when you search for it.
Love knocked on the door, and when it didn't get answer, it found another way in.
It picked the locks and found its way to the dark, long after you had shut the lights off and closed the blinds.
Love found you in the most unexpected time and place when you are not searching at all.
And later on, I found out that he stay at the same apartment building with me, and his office is just 3 buildings away from mine. He also my coworker's friend.
Have I mention his name?
His name is Austin. He is from Australia.
Just like he said, you can't run from love.
From what ever it is that happen in Jakarta. I left it all behind.
Sadly, Manila makes me realize that it's not okay to run. Not okay at all. My psychosomatic is collapse. Sleep is not an option sometimes. I lost my appetite, definitely my weight also.
So it's not okay at all.
So when I was sitting by the park and see the music light, eat my dinner alone, and overthinking about something I shouldn't, I met someone that's so nice. A really nice stranger that became not so strange lately.
Long story short, we share some story. Amazingly, he taught me a lot of things in 2 hours.
Even maybe more things that I can ever learn about compassion, intimacy, forgiveness, and of course love, more than I ever learn in my life.
And somehow, he just help me heal without we even realized it.
From his story I learn that
You can't choose who you fall in love with, where or when, but you absolutely can choose to stay with that love or not. But when you choose to stay, you also have to consider your own happiness, your own well being. Because nothing good when you sacrifice it, not even in the name of love.
You will heal, with the new love. You don't have to search for it, sometimes it's just in front of your eyes, you just can't see it because of the clouds you made.
here's some convo that we had
"that's how I found my love. but that's also how I lost it" he said.
"how? you don't take care your love? or shit just happen?"
"there is no such a thing as 'shit just happen' hahaha. bad luck happen, but we can avoid it if we carefull enough. I'm not sorry at all with what happen, I feel thankful instead. So I have a chance to see the world differently"
"did you still love her?"
"if you ask do i happy now, i do. do i happier than i was before, i did not, but i definitely feel better"
"how could you feel better but not happier?"
"you don't have to feel happier to feel better. you feel better because you feel like you don't need to carries some unnecessary baggage"
"i see....."
"so, did you feel happier when you are running here? did you feel better?"
"no i'm not. not both. but i will eventually, when i found the way"
"you won't just found it. you will just get used to it, and getting better by the time. that's what happen to me. until then i found something else that makes me happier, then it leads me to someone else, to the new love that i was talking about"
"that's interesting, how? how did you just found the new love? "
"when i wasn't looking. when i decide that my old love is no good for me, i loved her so much that it hurt me to stay with her for a long time, it took me a long time to have courage to finally end it. in a good term of course we both agree to end it. then after that, i go to a coffee shop to have a breakfast, and she was turns out just sitting in front of me at a coffee shop eat her breakfast, just like you are right now. sitting next to me in the park eat your dinner, then we share story, then we might never see each other anymore. isn't thats why we share stories right now? because we won't see each other anymore"
"so this is a usual thing for you? sharing a story with a stranger? that somehow came up to be your next new love? then i have to passed now hahahaha "
"hahahaha it no it wasn't, sharing a story with a stranger sometimes clear my head a bit. but i have no intend to find a new love"
"ah, i thought you do"
"just stop looking, stop searching, stop denied it, stop what ever you do to run from it. because you can't run from love. i've tried, believe me, and the harder i try, the deeper i got trap hahahaha"
"you go home, to your love. i'll be here a bit longer than go home. she must be waiting"
"no, she passed away a month ago. that's why i'm here, because we used to go here and observe a stranger. we loved to come here after work, we knew each other for 3 months then we are dating for a year then she got into car accident last month. she teach me a lot of things, even teach me how to survive without her. the day she got into accident i was gonna proposed"
"I'm sorry to hear that"
I WAS SHOCK........ I didn't see that coming...... this is like tersanjung sinetron in Indonesia. I was though he just have a fight with her or something.
"did you believe with the statement that 'you don't marry someone you can live with, you marry someone you can't live without'?" he was asking a cliche question...
"no i didn't. everyone is capable to live on their own. no need to depend on anyone. so i don't believe with i should be with someone that i cannot live without. because if i were fine before him, then i will be fine after him. but... i do believe that you should be with someone that you can live without but you didn't want to. because that will makes you nurture your love. thats why i will get married when i want to not because society told me to"
"how old are you? 40? hahahaha"
"hahaha the thing is this is what happen in Indonesia, people or society told you, more like demand you to get married when you are 25, and i already passed that age. so people ask so often, it can put you on pressure sometimes, every time they ask me when i will getting married i always said when i want to, i have my reason why. Because i see a lot of people get split up because they get married when the society told them to. and i don't want it happen. They get married because 'its the time to get married' because 'im on married age'. so i will do it when i want to. for now i will just do what i want to but when i get married i will also do what my husband wants to, marriage is a lot of compromises"
"you are definitely 40 for sure hahaha. here in Manila some people do that, but we are more modern so a lot of people have a same thought with you"
"hahaha not even 30. but i think it's a good thing you judge me from the way i think, i will take it as a compliment hahaha"
"you know what, it's nice to talk with a stranger like you, it will be creepy to ask where you stay and your number, so i will not gonna do that... but I'm here often, after office hour, maybe someday if you need someone to talk we can bump into each other like this again"
"yeah sure, maybe"
that's the end of our convo. He was back to wherever he lives and I stay about 10 minutes before go to my apartment.
he was nice, and funny, and not creepy.
So, summs up our convo about love and lost;
Love did not come when you search for it.
Love knocked on the door, and when it didn't get answer, it found another way in.
It picked the locks and found its way to the dark, long after you had shut the lights off and closed the blinds.
Love found you in the most unexpected time and place when you are not searching at all.
And later on, I found out that he stay at the same apartment building with me, and his office is just 3 buildings away from mine. He also my coworker's friend.
Have I mention his name?
His name is Austin. He is from Australia.
Just like he said, you can't run from love.
Manila Vanila (2)
Manila start with 14 hours long trip.
It shouldn't be 14 hours actually, but I need to transit in HongKong first.
So, 14 hours is for 4 hours from Jakarta to HongKong, waiting 3,5 hours for next flight because it got delayed for 2 hours luckily HK have a nice airport so I don't get bored, then 2,5 hours to Manila from HongKong, and the rest is for waiting for boarding time and me coming to early to the airport because I was getting anxious that I will missed my flight. So typical, every single time hahaha
Then finally here I am in Manila.
This is the first time I live alone, far far away from my home.
I travel alone a couple times, but this is kinda different.
It also feels nice at the same time.
Somehow I am proud of myself that I can be here, at this point, because I work for it.
But, i'm not easy to pleased, not even with myself hahaha
So I always told myself that this is only the beginning. There's a lot of things to explore, more interesting things ahead.
Next, maybe Singapore, that would be really nice I think hahaha
Or stop working and get my master degree, get a psychology license, or maybe another major for my master, I haven't decide what is next. I'm happy with what I do right now.
But for sure, this is me getting closer to my dream, and I'm proud of myself.
I have a super supportive team here, like a family.
hmm I think that's about Manila in a blink for now.
The next story maybe not Manila Vanila, but will also be as sweet as Vanila.
It shouldn't be 14 hours actually, but I need to transit in HongKong first.
So, 14 hours is for 4 hours from Jakarta to HongKong, waiting 3,5 hours for next flight because it got delayed for 2 hours luckily HK have a nice airport so I don't get bored, then 2,5 hours to Manila from HongKong, and the rest is for waiting for boarding time and me coming to early to the airport because I was getting anxious that I will missed my flight. So typical, every single time hahaha
Then finally here I am in Manila.
Before I got to my apartment, I stop by the park near by to see a music light.
Actually, this music light festival is happen every day, light festival light in HongKong, it's just smaller here. But it is as nice as HongKong.
If you ask about how is Manila, the answer is, it's like Jakarta hahahaha
not much different. Traffic is just the same like Jakarta, public transportation also potato tomato, supermarket, mini market, not much different.
Maybe it's because I stay in the middle of the city and in business district.
It's like Sudirman and SCBD in Jakarta.
Luckily, I don't get a lot of traffic because my apartment is only 2 blocks from my office tower.
So I always walk there for only 5 minutes. How lucky I am.
I travel alone a couple times, but this is kinda different.
It also feels nice at the same time.
Somehow I am proud of myself that I can be here, at this point, because I work for it.
But, i'm not easy to pleased, not even with myself hahaha
So I always told myself that this is only the beginning. There's a lot of things to explore, more interesting things ahead.
Next, maybe Singapore, that would be really nice I think hahaha
Or stop working and get my master degree, get a psychology license, or maybe another major for my master, I haven't decide what is next. I'm happy with what I do right now.
But for sure, this is me getting closer to my dream, and I'm proud of myself.
I have a super supportive team here, like a family.
hmm I think that's about Manila in a blink for now.
The next story maybe not Manila Vanila, but will also be as sweet as Vanila.
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
What Do You Want?
He called, again.
She pick up after like 10 missed called.
It's not that she wasn't there.
She was there the whole time staring at her phone when it ring.
"ah that name again, you again. why don’t you ever get tired"
"just give up, why you are so persistent, I’m tired"
"I want a nice and quiet life. I have it now here"
"could you please stop bothering me"
"have a life, please"
She finally answer her phone, because she knew he will keep calling until she answer it.
"how you doing? how is the new place? when will you be back?" he said
She is not saying a single word.
"you there? I know you're there. please say something" he said softly.
"what do you want?" she answers him.
"I miss you" he whispered "I miss us"
She stay silent and say nothing.
The only word that she said was "I know. bye"
Then she hang up the phone.
She lay her back in her bed. staring at the ceiling, wondering.
Her mind is flying somewhere, exploring her apartment room.
She is not sure what to feel.
She wants to be sad but she is tired.
She wants to be angry but she knows it's no use.
She is running out energy to response the world.
So she just lay back and close her eyes.
Hoping that she will get through this, whatever it is.
She fell asleep.
She will wake up and pretending that none of it ever happen.
Monday, February 4, 2019
Rewrite The Stars
Everyone know the song and the show.
It’s just...
I know, right? Amazing.
I just watch it and was like, why didn’t I watch this before?
I know the song before I watch the show.
Because someone send me the song.
Then I just realized what that was about.
I'm not a cry baby over movies.
But I do want to when I watch that part.
When I understand the lyrics.
Ah, but again, I didn’t, I just can’t.
Myself won’t let me.
Yet, the song resounding in my head, with every words of it.
Over over and over again.
I think I will understand the lyrics better than I understand psychology hahahaha
It’s just...
I know, right? Amazing.
I just watch it and was like, why didn’t I watch this before?
I know the song before I watch the show.
Because someone send me the song.
Then I just realized what that was about.
I'm not a cry baby over movies.
But I do want to when I watch that part.
When I understand the lyrics.
Ah, but again, I didn’t, I just can’t.
Myself won’t let me.
Yet, the song resounding in my head, with every words of it.
Over over and over again.
I think I will understand the lyrics better than I understand psychology hahahaha
Thursday, January 31, 2019
My Reflection
I agree that to see something objectively is so damn hard.
we only see what we want to see
we only hear what we want to hear
because we only believe what we want to believe
that’s why we need someone else get close enough to tell us it is what it is.
someone we trust
to be our reflection
to help us to see what is really happening
to find the calm in the chaos
to help us heal
but first, make sure that you are in the healthy environment
because you cannot heal in the same environment that make you sick
that kind of person that i want as my reflection
I’ve always wanted someone who match my effort
because it's not about how good you are, it's about how good you want to be.
for better or worse, in many ways, you were my reflection
Tuesday, January 22, 2019
Why I Didn’t Block My Evil Ex
Some friends ask me why I don’t block my ex in my social media.
Because most of them did it after a break up.
The answer is simple, because it’s not necessary.
Why should I?
Not because I still have a feeling for him or I can’t move on.
But because I already did, move on.
Because blocking him is childish.
I will simply let him be.
Knowing my life and how free and happy I am.
Let him take a pick every time in awhile.
To checking up what’s happening without him.
So he can look what he just missed.
What he did wrong.
I will simply let him be.
Because I’m sure I’m not the one who lost you.
To be exact I’m not the one who lost.
People said the best revenge is to be happy.
They lied.
It did not.
It’s too cliche .
Believe me it is not.
It doesn’t satisfy you from the thirst of hurting the person who’s hurt you.
Being happy isn’t your best revenge to anyone that did you wrong.
But it does the best gift that you can give to yourself.
You owe that to yourself.
To be happy.
To be at peace.
It wont be easy, for sure.
Because sometimes you have this anger that restrained on your chest.
That somehow waiting to be released.
It might just a little.
But it affects just the same.
You might struggle for awhile.
But you’ll get through it for sure.
So just hanging on and be happy.
Because you owe that to yourself.
So why should I block him when I’m not the one who lost him?
Monday, January 21, 2019
Sunday, January 20, 2019
Monday, January 7, 2019
To 2018
Finally have time to write about New Years.
My friends in Jakarta, Bali, Australia, Singapore, Hong Kong, and even Frankfurt were sending me fireworks video at their places. And it’s so beautiful since i love fireworks. So i was so happy to see that, i feel like I was there with them watching the same fireworks.
So i also send them the one that i got here. We have time differences so we can’t get the New Years countdown at the same time, but we all enjoy it like we were at the same time zone.
So, before we start with the New Years stuff, i would like to say hi to you, the person that so loyal to keep checking on my blog and i would like to say happy New Years for you :)
In case you’re wondering, yes it’s you. You know who you are :)
Btw, just let me know if you also want my IG profile to go public. I might do it for you if you ask it nicely :)
I wont told a story about new year new me, it’s just too cliche.
Because most of the time, it’s bullshit.
New year resolutions, new years targets, and blablablabla
None of you really doing that anyway.
But this is what i want to say to 2018 if it is a person.
You weren’t te easiest or the happiest and I’m ready to say goodbye to everything you’ve brought.
I’m ready to let go of the parts of you that disappointed me, the people who let me down, the moment that I couldn’t hold myself together, and the time that I almost gave up on myself.
You taught me a few important lessons in a hard way. You taught me that nothing is ever really predictable, especially people. You taught me that people can lie to your heart and break it just to mend theirs.
But most of all, you taught me how to stand alone, to stand stronger.
Which will always be the hardest lesson for me.
But you proved me that the only person i can control is me and the person i can really count on is also me.
You taught me not to get too attached to people or trust too much or love too much. You taught me that i have to always guard myself even from the closest people to my heart.
But...
You still brought me a lot of blessings. A lot of laughter. A lot of unforgettable moments and people. A lot of memories
that will make me smile for years to come. Ironically, as much as you made me feel dead inside you brought me moments that made me feel alive like never before.
You had your way of making up for the bad times or the hards times and I appreciate you for making a few things better.
I’m already healing from your wounds. I’m already looking ahead. I’m done living in your sob story. I’m done being your victim. I’m done letting you take so much space and energy.
You weren’t the year for me and it’s time you moved on. It’s time to let you go.
Thank you,
For the lessons, moments, and the memories you brought.
And, goodbye.
Hello 2019
I'm ready to meet you
Hello 2019
I'm ready to meet you
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)