Saturday, March 23, 2019
What Manila Makes Me Realize
When the first time I came to Manila a few months ago, I was running.
From what ever it is that happen in Jakarta. I left it all behind.
Sadly, Manila makes me realize that it's not okay to run. Not okay at all. My psychosomatic is collapse. Sleep is not an option sometimes. I lost my appetite, definitely my weight also.
So it's not okay at all.
So when I was sitting by the park and see the music light, eat my dinner alone, and overthinking about something I shouldn't, I met someone that's so nice. A really nice stranger that became not so strange lately.
Long story short, we share some story. Amazingly, he taught me a lot of things in 2 hours.
Even maybe more things that I can ever learn about compassion, intimacy, forgiveness, and of course love, more than I ever learn in my life.
And somehow, he just help me heal without we even realized it.
From his story I learn that
You can't choose who you fall in love with, where or when, but you absolutely can choose to stay with that love or not. But when you choose to stay, you also have to consider your own happiness, your own well being. Because nothing good when you sacrifice it, not even in the name of love.
You will heal, with the new love. You don't have to search for it, sometimes it's just in front of your eyes, you just can't see it because of the clouds you made.
here's some convo that we had
"that's how I found my love. but that's also how I lost it" he said.
"how? you don't take care your love? or shit just happen?"
"there is no such a thing as 'shit just happen' hahaha. bad luck happen, but we can avoid it if we carefull enough. I'm not sorry at all with what happen, I feel thankful instead. So I have a chance to see the world differently"
"did you still love her?"
"if you ask do i happy now, i do. do i happier than i was before, i did not, but i definitely feel better"
"how could you feel better but not happier?"
"you don't have to feel happier to feel better. you feel better because you feel like you don't need to carries some unnecessary baggage"
"i see....."
"so, did you feel happier when you are running here? did you feel better?"
"no i'm not. not both. but i will eventually, when i found the way"
"you won't just found it. you will just get used to it, and getting better by the time. that's what happen to me. until then i found something else that makes me happier, then it leads me to someone else, to the new love that i was talking about"
"that's interesting, how? how did you just found the new love? "
"when i wasn't looking. when i decide that my old love is no good for me, i loved her so much that it hurt me to stay with her for a long time, it took me a long time to have courage to finally end it. in a good term of course we both agree to end it. then after that, i go to a coffee shop to have a breakfast, and she was turns out just sitting in front of me at a coffee shop eat her breakfast, just like you are right now. sitting next to me in the park eat your dinner, then we share story, then we might never see each other anymore. isn't thats why we share stories right now? because we won't see each other anymore"
"so this is a usual thing for you? sharing a story with a stranger? that somehow came up to be your next new love? then i have to passed now hahahaha "
"hahahaha it no it wasn't, sharing a story with a stranger sometimes clear my head a bit. but i have no intend to find a new love"
"ah, i thought you do"
"just stop looking, stop searching, stop denied it, stop what ever you do to run from it. because you can't run from love. i've tried, believe me, and the harder i try, the deeper i got trap hahahaha"
"you go home, to your love. i'll be here a bit longer than go home. she must be waiting"
"no, she passed away a month ago. that's why i'm here, because we used to go here and observe a stranger. we loved to come here after work, we knew each other for 3 months then we are dating for a year then she got into car accident last month. she teach me a lot of things, even teach me how to survive without her. the day she got into accident i was gonna proposed"
"I'm sorry to hear that"
I WAS SHOCK........ I didn't see that coming...... this is like tersanjung sinetron in Indonesia. I was though he just have a fight with her or something.
"did you believe with the statement that 'you don't marry someone you can live with, you marry someone you can't live without'?" he was asking a cliche question...
"no i didn't. everyone is capable to live on their own. no need to depend on anyone. so i don't believe with i should be with someone that i cannot live without. because if i were fine before him, then i will be fine after him. but... i do believe that you should be with someone that you can live without but you didn't want to. because that will makes you nurture your love. thats why i will get married when i want to not because society told me to"
"how old are you? 40? hahahaha"
"hahaha the thing is this is what happen in Indonesia, people or society told you, more like demand you to get married when you are 25, and i already passed that age. so people ask so often, it can put you on pressure sometimes, every time they ask me when i will getting married i always said when i want to, i have my reason why. Because i see a lot of people get split up because they get married when the society told them to. and i don't want it happen. They get married because 'its the time to get married' because 'im on married age'. so i will do it when i want to. for now i will just do what i want to but when i get married i will also do what my husband wants to, marriage is a lot of compromises"
"you are definitely 40 for sure hahaha. here in Manila some people do that, but we are more modern so a lot of people have a same thought with you"
"hahaha not even 30. but i think it's a good thing you judge me from the way i think, i will take it as a compliment hahaha"
"you know what, it's nice to talk with a stranger like you, it will be creepy to ask where you stay and your number, so i will not gonna do that... but I'm here often, after office hour, maybe someday if you need someone to talk we can bump into each other like this again"
"yeah sure, maybe"
that's the end of our convo. He was back to wherever he lives and I stay about 10 minutes before go to my apartment.
he was nice, and funny, and not creepy.
So, summs up our convo about love and lost;
Love did not come when you search for it.
Love knocked on the door, and when it didn't get answer, it found another way in.
It picked the locks and found its way to the dark, long after you had shut the lights off and closed the blinds.
Love found you in the most unexpected time and place when you are not searching at all.
And later on, I found out that he stay at the same apartment building with me, and his office is just 3 buildings away from mine. He also my coworker's friend.
Have I mention his name?
His name is Austin. He is from Australia.
Just like he said, you can't run from love.
From what ever it is that happen in Jakarta. I left it all behind.
Sadly, Manila makes me realize that it's not okay to run. Not okay at all. My psychosomatic is collapse. Sleep is not an option sometimes. I lost my appetite, definitely my weight also.
So it's not okay at all.
So when I was sitting by the park and see the music light, eat my dinner alone, and overthinking about something I shouldn't, I met someone that's so nice. A really nice stranger that became not so strange lately.
Long story short, we share some story. Amazingly, he taught me a lot of things in 2 hours.
Even maybe more things that I can ever learn about compassion, intimacy, forgiveness, and of course love, more than I ever learn in my life.
And somehow, he just help me heal without we even realized it.
From his story I learn that
You can't choose who you fall in love with, where or when, but you absolutely can choose to stay with that love or not. But when you choose to stay, you also have to consider your own happiness, your own well being. Because nothing good when you sacrifice it, not even in the name of love.
You will heal, with the new love. You don't have to search for it, sometimes it's just in front of your eyes, you just can't see it because of the clouds you made.
here's some convo that we had
"that's how I found my love. but that's also how I lost it" he said.
"how? you don't take care your love? or shit just happen?"
"there is no such a thing as 'shit just happen' hahaha. bad luck happen, but we can avoid it if we carefull enough. I'm not sorry at all with what happen, I feel thankful instead. So I have a chance to see the world differently"
"did you still love her?"
"if you ask do i happy now, i do. do i happier than i was before, i did not, but i definitely feel better"
"how could you feel better but not happier?"
"you don't have to feel happier to feel better. you feel better because you feel like you don't need to carries some unnecessary baggage"
"i see....."
"so, did you feel happier when you are running here? did you feel better?"
"no i'm not. not both. but i will eventually, when i found the way"
"you won't just found it. you will just get used to it, and getting better by the time. that's what happen to me. until then i found something else that makes me happier, then it leads me to someone else, to the new love that i was talking about"
"that's interesting, how? how did you just found the new love? "
"when i wasn't looking. when i decide that my old love is no good for me, i loved her so much that it hurt me to stay with her for a long time, it took me a long time to have courage to finally end it. in a good term of course we both agree to end it. then after that, i go to a coffee shop to have a breakfast, and she was turns out just sitting in front of me at a coffee shop eat her breakfast, just like you are right now. sitting next to me in the park eat your dinner, then we share story, then we might never see each other anymore. isn't thats why we share stories right now? because we won't see each other anymore"
"so this is a usual thing for you? sharing a story with a stranger? that somehow came up to be your next new love? then i have to passed now hahahaha "
"hahahaha it no it wasn't, sharing a story with a stranger sometimes clear my head a bit. but i have no intend to find a new love"
"ah, i thought you do"
"just stop looking, stop searching, stop denied it, stop what ever you do to run from it. because you can't run from love. i've tried, believe me, and the harder i try, the deeper i got trap hahahaha"
"you go home, to your love. i'll be here a bit longer than go home. she must be waiting"
"no, she passed away a month ago. that's why i'm here, because we used to go here and observe a stranger. we loved to come here after work, we knew each other for 3 months then we are dating for a year then she got into car accident last month. she teach me a lot of things, even teach me how to survive without her. the day she got into accident i was gonna proposed"
"I'm sorry to hear that"
I WAS SHOCK........ I didn't see that coming...... this is like tersanjung sinetron in Indonesia. I was though he just have a fight with her or something.
"did you believe with the statement that 'you don't marry someone you can live with, you marry someone you can't live without'?" he was asking a cliche question...
"no i didn't. everyone is capable to live on their own. no need to depend on anyone. so i don't believe with i should be with someone that i cannot live without. because if i were fine before him, then i will be fine after him. but... i do believe that you should be with someone that you can live without but you didn't want to. because that will makes you nurture your love. thats why i will get married when i want to not because society told me to"
"how old are you? 40? hahahaha"
"hahaha the thing is this is what happen in Indonesia, people or society told you, more like demand you to get married when you are 25, and i already passed that age. so people ask so often, it can put you on pressure sometimes, every time they ask me when i will getting married i always said when i want to, i have my reason why. Because i see a lot of people get split up because they get married when the society told them to. and i don't want it happen. They get married because 'its the time to get married' because 'im on married age'. so i will do it when i want to. for now i will just do what i want to but when i get married i will also do what my husband wants to, marriage is a lot of compromises"
"you are definitely 40 for sure hahaha. here in Manila some people do that, but we are more modern so a lot of people have a same thought with you"
"hahaha not even 30. but i think it's a good thing you judge me from the way i think, i will take it as a compliment hahaha"
"you know what, it's nice to talk with a stranger like you, it will be creepy to ask where you stay and your number, so i will not gonna do that... but I'm here often, after office hour, maybe someday if you need someone to talk we can bump into each other like this again"
"yeah sure, maybe"
that's the end of our convo. He was back to wherever he lives and I stay about 10 minutes before go to my apartment.
he was nice, and funny, and not creepy.
So, summs up our convo about love and lost;
Love did not come when you search for it.
Love knocked on the door, and when it didn't get answer, it found another way in.
It picked the locks and found its way to the dark, long after you had shut the lights off and closed the blinds.
Love found you in the most unexpected time and place when you are not searching at all.
And later on, I found out that he stay at the same apartment building with me, and his office is just 3 buildings away from mine. He also my coworker's friend.
Have I mention his name?
His name is Austin. He is from Australia.
Just like he said, you can't run from love.
Manila Vanila (2)
Manila start with 14 hours long trip.
It shouldn't be 14 hours actually, but I need to transit in HongKong first.
So, 14 hours is for 4 hours from Jakarta to HongKong, waiting 3,5 hours for next flight because it got delayed for 2 hours luckily HK have a nice airport so I don't get bored, then 2,5 hours to Manila from HongKong, and the rest is for waiting for boarding time and me coming to early to the airport because I was getting anxious that I will missed my flight. So typical, every single time hahaha
Then finally here I am in Manila.
This is the first time I live alone, far far away from my home.
I travel alone a couple times, but this is kinda different.
It also feels nice at the same time.
Somehow I am proud of myself that I can be here, at this point, because I work for it.
But, i'm not easy to pleased, not even with myself hahaha
So I always told myself that this is only the beginning. There's a lot of things to explore, more interesting things ahead.
Next, maybe Singapore, that would be really nice I think hahaha
Or stop working and get my master degree, get a psychology license, or maybe another major for my master, I haven't decide what is next. I'm happy with what I do right now.
But for sure, this is me getting closer to my dream, and I'm proud of myself.
I have a super supportive team here, like a family.
hmm I think that's about Manila in a blink for now.
The next story maybe not Manila Vanila, but will also be as sweet as Vanila.
It shouldn't be 14 hours actually, but I need to transit in HongKong first.
So, 14 hours is for 4 hours from Jakarta to HongKong, waiting 3,5 hours for next flight because it got delayed for 2 hours luckily HK have a nice airport so I don't get bored, then 2,5 hours to Manila from HongKong, and the rest is for waiting for boarding time and me coming to early to the airport because I was getting anxious that I will missed my flight. So typical, every single time hahaha
Then finally here I am in Manila.
Before I got to my apartment, I stop by the park near by to see a music light.
Actually, this music light festival is happen every day, light festival light in HongKong, it's just smaller here. But it is as nice as HongKong.
If you ask about how is Manila, the answer is, it's like Jakarta hahahaha
not much different. Traffic is just the same like Jakarta, public transportation also potato tomato, supermarket, mini market, not much different.
Maybe it's because I stay in the middle of the city and in business district.
It's like Sudirman and SCBD in Jakarta.
Luckily, I don't get a lot of traffic because my apartment is only 2 blocks from my office tower.
So I always walk there for only 5 minutes. How lucky I am.
I travel alone a couple times, but this is kinda different.
It also feels nice at the same time.
Somehow I am proud of myself that I can be here, at this point, because I work for it.
But, i'm not easy to pleased, not even with myself hahaha
So I always told myself that this is only the beginning. There's a lot of things to explore, more interesting things ahead.
Next, maybe Singapore, that would be really nice I think hahaha
Or stop working and get my master degree, get a psychology license, or maybe another major for my master, I haven't decide what is next. I'm happy with what I do right now.
But for sure, this is me getting closer to my dream, and I'm proud of myself.
I have a super supportive team here, like a family.
hmm I think that's about Manila in a blink for now.
The next story maybe not Manila Vanila, but will also be as sweet as Vanila.
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