i broke up with my ex a few months ago. not because of the distance, not because of there is any other person, not because of we didn't love each other anymore.
simply because we didn't fit for each other.
he is a good man. really.
really really a good man.
he is nice and treat me well.
he did all the best he can for me.
like a normal couple, we fight we argue,
he made me cry, i made him angry
but then we make up.
i was happy with him
and today, finally we met.
after a long time.
we talk.
about almost everything.
at some point, he said "kamu mengajarkan aku bagaimana menghargai orang lain dan menjadi dewasa. kamu mengajari aku bahwa tidak masalah untuk hidup apa adanya, tidak palsu, dan tidak terobsesi pada 'kesempurnaan', mengakui adanya kelemahan dan membiarkan orang tau kelemahan dan kelebihan sehingga bisa diterima orang lain apa adanya. terimakasih untuk semuanya...."
at least i know that i did something good for him.
something that he will remember as a good memories
because i do have a lot of good memories about him.
and i like to keep it that way.
just remember the good.
so, this is what i learn from you.
you taught me how to be a good woman.
i can sure you that i am a woman (even i didn't look like one, because of the face and the size of my body).
but he taught me how to be a good woman.
to have a good care of myself.
to look good every time, put a bit make up on my face.
to control how to walk, how to sit.
and i say thank you for that.
not just for that.
thank you for the time that you willing to spent.
thank you for the efforts that you gave.
and I'm sorry if i ever hurt you or disappoint you.
(even you always said there is nothing to feel sorry about, i still feel like i need to say this).
i'm sorry if i can't be a good girlfriend for you. can't be the girl that you want, that you need.
(even you always said the opposite, i just feel insecure about that)
i'm sorry for all the things that i did wrong.
we decided to not going back together.
not because of we didn't love each other anymore or because of we have someone else.
simply just because we realize that we can't fit each other.
and there is no used to push it any longer.
a year and 8 months its enough to know that.
to know that it isn't work the way we want it.
the way we plan it.
we have a dream that will direct us to a different direction.
so at the end it will separate us sooner or later.
and we didn't want to kill each other dream.
so we decided to stay separated and live our own life.
and be just friend.
because thats all we can ever be.
and hoping that we can find someone who fit for us.
they said, people make a bad choice when they mad or stress, or depressed
yeah, maybe.
maybe this is bad, or good.
we never know.
but we sure, for now, this is for good.
maybe someday, if its meant to be then it is meant to be.
thats what we said.
i wish you all the best wishes i can give.
:)
Thank you Emir Ardila Rasjidi,
for taught me how to be a good woman
:)
